Sharon & AlwaysSpecial.co.uk

Sharon…

Time to say Goodbye………..

by on Nov.06, 2013, under In Memory of..., Sharon...

Not sure where to begin on this one…… I think I knew I was going to lose my mum the day the surgeon’s understudy was sent to tell us that they couldn’t remove her lung……my heart just fell apart….. Mum had started coughing Christmas 2011, she went to the doctors and after a few shots at antibiotics, a doctor sent her for an X-ray…..it was only during a stay in hospital with suspected pneumonia a few weeks later that we kind of knew the X-ray had shown a shadow…..a wait to see the specialist confirmed our worst fears…..I thought that day was the worst day of my life….. we were referred to a surgeon….He was very optimistic (and rather arrogant) in his approach and attitude….he declared that “he was the only one who could remove mums lung and that his track record spoke volumes” with mum’s cancer only measuring 4cm and contained within the lower lobe we were convinced….mum wanted every shot at life…..and so she took the offer of the operation gratefully. We were told and have since had confirmed that between diagnosis and agreeing to the op mum should have been in within six weeks…….cock up after cock up…..and the surgeon going on holiday for two weeks….and leaving instructions that no one else was to do the op…..we waited…….our faith in his hands…. 13 weeks and after one cancelled (by the hospital last minute) we kissed a positive but very frightened mum down at the theatre doors…..9 hours later and after some serious complication with her blood pressure and blood loss she was back in intensive care……where a very kind nurse finally tracked down the surgeon…..who sent his understudy to tell us that mum’s cancer had grown to 8 cm…..and had gone through the lining of her heart….therefore her lung and the cancer remained….. I knew I was going to lose my mum….   Unfortunately….mum and dad didn’t know this…..she was offered chemotherapy….she took it…….it wiped months of her fragile life…….she was offered hope from her Macmillan nurse (I am in full support of all people in the care profession and am the first to support/donate but for me in this case I was disappointed) the Macmillan nurse knew mum had aggressive lung cancer and yet persuaded mum and dad to believe that the chemotherapy was reducing the cancer…..it got to a point that in the August and during a routine follow up with her specialist….I forced the issue…….and asked the question.  How long? Mum agreed that the specialist could tell us….(me and dad) but she preferred to leave the room……..it is only the second time I have seen my dad cry….. :( …….The consultants words although expected were like a knife…… “a couple of months at best” I thought this may be the worst day of my life…….   Mum knew…….I held her eyes…..then hugged her…..she told me she loved me…..something she rarely said…..mum’s love was always apparent…..hugs….kisses…..simple gestures….always putting you before herself…….but rarely spoken. That day was really difficult, the consultant wanted Mum to stay in for a couple of days and have a blood transfusion – we all sadly just wanted to go home. sitting around the hospital bed all knowing and yet not saying…..just heart wrenching. Dealing with Dad’s anger (aimed mainly at the surgeon), trips in and out of hospital/hospice, and trying to keep a lid on my emotions was hard……we got through it……. We had lots of special days when mum was strong enough….and in the November we had what was to be our last meal out together…

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precious moments…..

we enjoyed a day out….hiring a mini bus….mum watched the kids play on the beach and collected shells for her….they each won her special things from the arcades (all those went with her in her coffin) we sat and ate fish and chips as the sun set…..

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our last day trip to the sea….

I spent a very special Christmas with her…..Christmas Eve hot pork sandwich (our own little tradition which mum adored) kids bathed and ready for bed in their new PJs…..all crammed into mum’s room (she was home AND STAYING!!)…..then Christmas day….mum and Dad shared their last  Christmas dinner together on their own…..while we all tried to be positive at my house (I live just round the corner – so “meals on wheels” was easy for me!) Mum’s sister Mal was over from Canada….she was a great support for dad while she was here. Christmas afternoon…..just me, Dad, Mal and a good friend of mine, Jo opened mum’s presents on her bed…..it was something special….Mum perked up and really connected…..we had Christmas in our own way that afternoon…….it was lovely.

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mum and dad’s special Christmas day

There were magical moments. Athena spending the afternoon pampering her Nanny, doing her nails, Alethea chatting away, Shae proudly delivering a handmade card and Kal’s special “nanny cuddles”.   There were times when it was hard…..Shae asking why the cancer had not been cut out…..then watching helpless as my six year old son broke down and cried…..times when I really struggled to hold my own tears in….one gentle hand on my shoulder once from a GP  or holding hands with mum as she received her last rites on that Wednesday morning…”her provision for the journey” (I’m not a religious person but for mum it would have been important and I will always be grateful to our local Vicar, Rev’d Pam Powell who was such a great source of support for mum during those final few weeks and for coming straight round on that Wednesday morning).

 

Mal was going back to Canada early hours of the Monday morning…..so that Sunday I cooked a huge Lamb dinner with homemade rice pudding……it was to be Mum’s last meal……Mum stopped eating on the Monday. By the Friday I had all but moved in…..dad would spend the night with Mum and I would spend the day with her……taking breaks to run down and see the kids when she had a visitor…………It was important to me and dad that she wasn’t left alone. Over the weekend Mum was very agitated and sleeping lots…..calling out for her cousin Pearl – fighting with something that disturbed her mind….we were struggling to get her crushed tablets down her …..by the Sunday night I called the doc out….he put mum on a syringe driver which offered her a considerable amount of pain relief….and she finally settled with her thoughts…..she was completely at rest with whatever had troubled her…..which was a huge relief…..seeing anyone you love in any form of distress is just horrendous…..being unable to do anything about it is even worse

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spending precious hours with mum….x

I had got into a routine of washing Mum…..and taking care of her mouth….making sure it was not dry etc…….now anyone who knows me will raise an eyebrow at that…..I really do not do nursing……Mum knew it as well……On the Monday I was applying some cream and just chatting away to her….she murmured just three words…..”I Love You” …….No one has said she spoke to them….but I would love to carry the knowledge that Mum’s last words were solely for me….On the Tuesday…..carrying out what was now our little routine….as I was cleaning her mouth….she opened her eyes,  scrunched her nose up and tried to smile……it stopped me in my tracks…….this lovely strong lady who had always put her children first…was doing it again……the strength and will it must have taken her to try and smile……those two actions are buried deep in my heart….x

 

Wednesday started no different to any other day……apart from mums feet had gone cold…….

I spent a the whole day with her…..today she was quiet and at peace and did not wake up at all….and usually if I let go of her hand for even a second she would murmur or move her fingers to search for that comfort….today she did not. Today she had slipped even further away from us.

It was about 7 and I would always run down and put my two boys in bed……..Jo had persuaded Dad to have something to eat and was going to fetch him a Chinese….. so I went with her to pick it up…..it was about 7:40 by the time I got back  (a little later than normal time of 7:20)…….I stuck my head in and announced to her I’m back!” Mum at this point turned her head and opened her eyes…….her eyes which had been very pale and opaque were completely lit up….they were shining and bright and full of calm peace and love..I took her hand ….it was completely mesmerising…..to this day I don’t know why or how but I knew she was going to leave us…..I shouted for dad….He came in…..I just quietly told him “it’s time for mum to go……..” He got on the bed scooped her up like a baby in his arms and I held onto her hands…..then while Dad told her how much he loved her…..I said our goodbyes and re-enforced how much we all loved her and that we would miss her……I told her to say hello to my Nan and Uncle Bob and Uncle Moss…….she draw a couple of gasps  and was very gently taken to where her pain would be no more. Her final moments were beautiful and I truly believe that she waited for me to get back…..she held my hand through life and I wanted to hold hers as she passed onto her final life…..all the the pain of recent months had disappeared as she shed her body and was guided to a better place

……Walking down the Isle, in the church, alongside my brothers carrying our mum while Sarah Brightman & Andrea Bocelli poured out “time to say Goodbye” should have upset me….Standing in the Church reading her Eulogy is something I didn’t think about, watching dad sit alone by mum’s coffin….. taking mum back out the Church while Boyzone sang “No matter What” and people blew kisses and touched mum’s wicker basket should have touched me……and eventually releasing the straps to place my mum into the ground  should have broken me…….it didn’t…..because It was mum’s last wish that we do all those things for her – Her final hours that her body graced this world  had been her way, simple and a celebration of who she was, light and full of love and admiration for her presence and what she meant to those who came…….and for the final time I was going to put my mum first above anything….. Goodnight and God bless. x

 

Mum’s Eulogy.

June Valerie Alethea Bostock (Newbold) 1st November 1941 – 16thJanuary 2013  

June was born 1st November 1941 in Oldbury, West Midlands.  The eldest of four children Pauline, Mal and Moss.  A relatively happy childhood spent playing mother to the three siblings and any other she could tuck under her wing….Although June passed her 11 plus, she preferred to stay at home “blacking the grate” and generally doing anything to get out of school, especially P.E and games! She enjoyed housework so much that after highly polishing the stairs one day, her father went from top to bottom on a small mat which she had left at the top.  He stated “I could have caught the bus, had the front door been left open”.

It was in the October of 1959 that June first met Brian, travelling to work on the same bus each evening.  June had fierce competition for Brian’s attention in the name of Jean her arch enemy… One Saturday dinner time on the “Two Twelve” bus, both frantically applying lipstick, Brian boarded the bus and had to decide which girl to sit by ……..

Needless to say he made to right decision and June and Brian were happily married on March 18th1961.  Although June settled into married life extremely well, she did make a few fumbles along the way ….. like cooking Brian a warm stew to come home to and instead of twenty little dumplings, Brian struggled with four dumplings which took over the stew and the kitchen!!…..or the constant bargain hunting,  like the job lot of toothpaste she proudly brought home ….for false teeth! Always on that lookout for the elusive bright yellow reduced sticker, she had even been known to root through somebody else’s basket for them.

A love of music led to qualifications in ballroom dancing, and a sacrifice of her favourite black shoes that she had to paint silver…although severely breaking her ankle in later life whilst doing the twist, put a rein on her bopping….and to the relief of her children stopped the public rock, rolling and jiving with Brian!

Her pride and joy arrived in the form of her four children, Wayne, Mark, myself  and Jason. She was always there to share the smiles and mop the tears, the cool hand on your brow when you were ill, the warm hand in yours when you were scared, nothing on this earth can separate us from her….not time….not space…..not even death…. her love really was unconditional. She was our protector….our warrior…..our mum

Married for nearly 52 years, June took great delight in renewing their vows two years ago in the same church they had originally married. Surrounded that day by many of you here today…..her family and her friends. A day I’m sure you will agree was one to be treasured.

June adored the sea. From day trips as a child, to family caravan holidays down in Devon.  One of her last wishes during her final illness was fulfilled by simply eating fish and chips by the sea, with a few of her grandchildren, as the sun set.   June also loved gardening and flowers and so had plenty of opportunities to design gardens during her and Brian’s 27 house moves! As a child I often wondered whether I had any Romany blood in me with the amount of times we moved. June’s perfection with her gardens, often left her frustrated with Brian’s take on gardening (and various other DIY jobs!), when asked to prune a few rose bushes she discovered he had completely mutilated them leaving just a twig poking out of the ground and believe me he was only ever asked to “weed”once……!!

June’s determination to overcome each illness was inspired by her grandchildren: Jessica, Luke, Daniel, Simon, Alethea, Sophie, Athena, Lefie, Shae, Kal, Tia….and the grandson she will never hold….Jude. Not forgetting her great Grandchildren: Kayden and Darcy. She was so very proud of them all, and took great delight in receiving a hand drawn picture…..a shell from the beach or simply a hug…….

June’s brave battle came to a very peaceful end on that Wednesday evening……in Brian’s arms…..warm loving hands this time holding hers tightly….and words of love and encouragement to send our fighter on her way. She was such a wonderful warm person, who saw no fault in anyone,only ever goodness.  A cup of tea was never far away when visiting, which possibly explained, the 2000+ Yorkshire teabags hidden all over the place!  Her smile was as welcoming as her tea and she would always put others before herself, but today we put June first ……I hope you will join me one last time in wishing June…. “Goodnight, God bless”, from all of us.

 

I Am

I am the rain that cherishes.

The sun that warms

I am the wings of a butterfly.

The dew on a rose

I am the blue in the sky.

The red in the sunset

I am the twinkle in the stars.

The light in the moon I am the four seasons.

The colour of the rainbow

I am the shimmer of the snow.

The fire that glows

I am the gentle spirit inside you.

The keeper of your soul

I am the dreams you fulfilled.

The joy in your heart

I am the love in your eyes.

The desire from within

I am the smile on your lips.

The laughter in your voice

I am the wings that enfold you.

The protector of your life

I am the one who shares your dreams.

The fears and your hopes

I am your wife…Your mum…your nanny…your sister…your friend.

I am your Angel…..

”Goodnight God Bless Nanny”   

Read by Athena.

 

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A beautiful brave lady…….my mum…xx

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All change……

by on Nov.06, 2013, under Sharon...

Over the past 12 months or so our family has gone through many changes….this post is dedicated to the kids. They have accepted, risen to and carried on with day to day life even though life has reared up and completely kicked us in the guts.

During those changes I have come to appreciate who is important in my life and who is not. Some of our changes have been very public…..my own mum fighting those final 12 months until finally laying down and bravely accepting her fate, the end of my marriage to Andy and him moving out of the house, my own dealings with that shitty word cancer resulting in a hysterectomy just a week after burying my mum, My daughter taking paracetamol due to bullying, the very hard decision to move my boys from our village school to the neighbouring village…….looking back I am (still am) amazed at people…..from two-faced bitching and complaining to “taking sides” ……..do people really have such shallow lives that they hold no compassion but to kick while a person is weak?  I do not need those sort of people in my life….so my way of dealing with them is to simply shrug my shoulders and move on

My advice to them…..they should have waited a while before using their venom because during the peak of everything going on I was immune to feeling any more then I felt…..I was topped up on emotion and had put a complete block on feelings….so their pathetic attempt to poke and cause distress went straight over my head…….one particular incident actually made me “laugh out loud!”  :D

 

I can put up with gossip….stares…..and even being sent to Coventry…… simply because those people do not matter to me….I will continue to ignore and smile

I have removed myself socially from any form of involvement now where possible……and will keep my mouth shut of any opinions…..especially to the people I do not trust (or now that I don’t trust!) …..I have found it only makes my day to day life more complicated…..one opinion, suggestion or comment can easy turn into a a big deal in the wrong hands….and very quickly turned against you…..I live and work in a small village……and will continue to do so until my last off-spring has shed the nest…….then I’m outta here :D

On a positive note (because reading this post through it sounds very doom and gloom and extremely negative ) during the last 12 months or so I have  bonded much better to some very close friends…..I have also discovered some wonderful new friends who have supported me and my whole family through thick and thin…..  Thank you x

STRENGTH……Isn’t about how much you can handle before you break…..its about how much you can handle after you break.

 

……..failing all that …………there’s always Chocolate!!!  :D 

I can't eat any more chocolate!!!

I can’t eat any more chocolate!!!

 

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A bit about me….

by on Aug.23, 2009, under Sharon...

emmmmmm where to start?

OK….I was born…(eventually) at 2.20 p.m on Tuesday 4th March 1969. My mum insists I was “stubborn” and had the Midwife calling for the fire to be lit numerous times, I prefer to believe in my huge sense of humour…..and me pretending to “arrive” was actually a joke!!!

Dad & Mum (with me)

Dad & Mum (with me)

Anyway born “number three” of four children, I followed two boys (and had another boy follow me!!) I was the much awaited “little girl” within an hour I had a girl’s bonnet knitted and placed on my head….by the end of the day I had been gifted with 22 dresses….(if only there had been eBay back then!!!!) My mum took great pleasure in “dressing” the pram each day….lemon, pink, white…frills, lace…..

Pink frills!!!!

Pink frills!!!!

……….anyone who knew me as a kid….and even now will know I detest frills….lace…. and much prefer a good pair of ripped jeans, sandles and tee-shirt!!!!

The dreaded school photo!!

The dreaded school photo!!

I grew up with three brothers…..could use a cricket bat as good as them, kick a ball as far, and climb a tree as high and throw a punch as effectively!!!!…

which leads me onto a little story….which I can safely tell now…(I assume the vicar has gone to meet his maker)…..Long Summer holidays lead to me and my older brothers seeking fun!!! having exhausted all ball games we would be found on our bikes….now one day our bikes lead us and a couple of my brother’s mates to the local vicars orchard…..full of scrummy ripe apples!! The boys voted and I was awarded the “best climber” (looking back I seriously believe I had been “done over” somewhat…..!!!) anyhow….I shinnied up the tree and started chucking the apples down…..

after a few minutes a barking, growling dog came bounding into the garden…….followed by a red faced furious looking vicar…..the boys legged it…..leaving me up the tree….hardly daring to breathe!!!!  I am sure you have heard the saying….”shit yourself”……I think I came close!!!

The vicar waited for the dog to chase off the boys before calling it back, then dragging it off into the house…..the dog barking and looking back at me…up the tree…….grinning – but with a potential aroma of poo should he turn round!!!

I have had many “close shaves” always with my brothers……but it was usually Mark (second eldest) and me who got into the most trouble…..although it was usually instigated by him….. like playing football in his bedroom and breaking the window, or playing football in the lounge and breaking a load of glass bottles……we were scamps….but nothing really major. I sometimes feel very sorry for my children…they will never have the childhood I had……or at least the beautiful freedom of those long hot summer school holidays…

Me & my Bro, Mark on my 18th!!

Me & my Bro, Mark on my 18th!!

I guess I grew up as “tomboy” I had friends who were girls….but really preferred hanging round with my Brothers and their friends. We lived for the most part in Telford, however when I was 11 my parents, through work had to move back to the West Midlands, Rowley Regis……I was not happy there, in the year we spent there I just about avoided having the “cane” at the school I attended….House points were awarded for good behaviour – I owed the teachers so many house points it was incredible!! I spent most of the VERY religious assemblies actually standing up (this was supposed to make an example of me!!….it didn’t work) ….looking back the school as a whole was disgusting….and so were most of the Teachers…. An art teacher ripped up most of my work on a weekly basis….because I started the year by not realising I had to call him “sir”….I witnessed (as did the whole class) the headmaster cane a boy just because he had left his chair on a “wet playtime” (time spent at your desk….quietly thinking) ……is it really any wonder I rebelled during my stay there?

I have to say though the Science & French Teachers were fab….and came to my defence numerous times….I left on a high..smacking one of the prefects in the face and flicking the “V’s” at the Teachers while leaving on the bus!!…… ;o)

Want to know what school it was…..?

It was the annex of St Michaels C of E – Rowley Regis.

 

back to Telford…..civilised schooling!!

After a period of “settling” back down I decided I needed to knuckle down….I discovered sport and actually ended up loving school!! Now I could go into detail about my days at The Upper School (Stirchley) but I am still in contact with a few people from then….and I would rather not embarrass them (!!!!….) but in the words of Bruce….they were my “Glory Days!!”  and Sarah if you ever read this….you were a complete pain in the arse, who got me into so many scraps (like someone punching ME in the mouth instead of YOU, or telling your mum that the contraception pills she found were mine!!….or getting completely hammered –  singing UB40 tracks and laughing at ladies slippers and the sound of jelly!!!!!?) but you were unpredictable fun, who made me cry with laughter and sadness -  and I treasure those days….cheers bud..x

Back to those "Wham!" days.... Me & Sarah

Back to those "Wham!" days.... Me & Sarah

Enough reminiscing……

I left school after A-levels and being turned down for training to be a Physiotherapist…..(not bitter and twisted about that anymore!!! :O)   ) so I went on to Wolverhampton Poly….at the end of the first year and one day sitting looking at a dead chick….I decided it wasn’t for me…(although I did enjoy my year….esp the social side and playing rugby)….. ;O)

Wolverhampton Ladies...(2nd from bottom right!)

Wolverhampton Ladies...(2nd from bottom right!)

so I blagged my way into work..computers….I didn’t even know how to switch one on!!!!!! That’s really it…..

The rest is pretty much taken up with having fun….drinking….having fun…..and work

Until my kids came along…..now I have fun in different ways……like the food fight last night which sprung up from no where…;O)

Me & my kids.....

Me & my kids.....

 

Not really sure why I have written this…..I guess when someone close dies it make you think, how well did I know them? There are questions usually left unanswered………I would like my kids to know everything (well nearly everything) about me…..my past….my thoughts (most of them) so I am going to dedicate this to all those people in past and link it to my kids….. Sophie, Athena, Alethea, Shae & Kal….x  I love you all

Mum….x

 

www.alwaysspecial.co.uk

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